Raised in Religion: On Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

For some odd reason or another, there are people who manipulate and harm the people that are closest to them. Some studies say it’s a cycle. Some blame a hard hand dealt by life. Maybe they have been wounded, so they lash out like an animal. The aggressor will have to come to a point in their life where they face that beast. It is a choice to change that only they can make.

My take on it

If you are a victim in an abusive relationship: GET OUT! Do not pass go, Do not collect $200 and ESPECIALLY do not listen to people that tell you to stick around and take it. You do not need permission to leave. If you know in your heart that something is profoundly wrong, LEAVE. There are organizations that will help you. Don’t let fear, money or other issues hold you in a cage any longer.


Domestic abuse is similar to a child being bullied at school. Have you ever seen a mean spirited kid that picked on someone weaker, or maybe even more docile than themselves? Have you ever heard the bully blame the victim because they were different in some way? Maybe for something as ridiculous as wearing glasses? That is not justifiable. It is wrong.

If you wouldn’t take it from some punk kid, don’t take it now. Maybe you would quietly take it, because you really didn’t want to go there and fight. If a bully brought you there, STAND UP and walk away. You deserve better. If you have children, they do too.

Bad Advice

I don’t agree with blanket statements. There is good and bad in every group. I do want to address something that I have personally seen and do not agree with. I have seen some women that were in dangerous relationships reach out for help in the church, and the advise that they were given was WRONG.

Stay and Pray

Actually, don’t. Leave and pray. Follow your heart. Don’t listen to thoughts that bombard you about not being strong enough or that you deserve the mistreatment. No one deserves that.

Rebellious Wife

If someone physically or mentally harms you, it is not your fault. If someone tells you that you deserve it, they are WRONG. You are not property. You are not a dog. You are not a car. You do have value. If you didn’t need to think for yourself, God wouldn’t have given you a brain.

You know what is rebellious? When God commands people to love each other, but one decides to convince themselves and others that they are exempt to that commandment.

You know what else is rebellious? When people break the law. In several countries, it is illegal to physically harm or mentally abuse another human being.

There are also some laws that need a good fixin’.

1 Peter 2:7 Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.


If you were a woman about to be stoned back in the day, Jesus would step in front of you and stop your accusers from harming you. He doesn’t condone violence against women. I have NOT seen a scripture where Jesus beats a woman into submission, or screams degradingly about her place like a spoiled child.

If someone claims to be a Christian, then they are claiming to strive to be more like Christ, not his other followers.


There are a lot of debates about the sanctity of marriage. That is a totally different animal. I am covering domestic violence and mental abuse.

Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Unfaithful: a: not adhering to vows, allegiance, or duty: disloyal <an unfaithful friend> (Merriam-Webster)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7…

If someone constantly manipulates, hurts, and blames you; they have dropped the ball. Get away from them. They need to sort out their own problems. You cannot fix them.

Adultery II

You know what else is adultery?

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I think this scripture goes for women too. Sometimes the pronouns in the bible refer to one sex, when they were meant to apply to HUMANKIND. Sad huh?

If this is adultery, let me tell you; I am in extreme danger of hellfire every time an image of Gerard Butler flashes before me. I think there is a strange neural pathway set up in my brain that automatically associates that man with a leotard and baby oil. If the grace of God was based on our works, our innate holiness or our own righteousness; we would all be toast.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God Not of works, lest any man should boast.


There are too many scriptures about love and human value, to get hung up on improperly used ones that fear people into guilt and submission. If you need help, reach out because it’s out there. If you are being abused, you really need to get out of that relationship. Start the journey to learn to love yourself. You do deserve better.

Can you imagine how hellish heaven would be for some of us if this treatment was allowed? Sorry, that just isn’t what we were made for. Jesus didn’t give anyone a free pass from his teachings about LOVE.

Stand up and LIVE. Others have, and you can too.


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