The Never-Ending Search

Something Life Crisis?

My niche has evaded me again and again. It is so frustrating; I am liable to smash it on the floor once I catch it.

 

Idea?!?!?!

My dreamy tendencies don’t help much. I get an idea and start to float away. Sometimes this sets me up for disappointment. One Idea I had, was this ad on craigslist, while I was job hunting. I was hoping maybe someone would give me a shot. Maybe they had done things like me on their own journey. I joked with my fiancé, that this would be my big break. I have tried my hand at different careers. I had worked on a degree that mutated frequently. Maybe this is how I validate myself? Maybe I was dreaming of a life, where I felt like more than a number. I did not anticipate the result of this idea.

 

Boo…

I teased my fiancé that I would be an ice cream taster. Or, that I would have the privilege of cuddling puppies. I told him that he would stop laughing, when George Lucas called with an offer. Silly, huh? Don’t tell anyone…

Awz…

The responses that I got were not what I had expected. Guess I daydream a little too much. Someone lovely in my life passed the ad along to a friend. He was a business owner. It was purely word of mouth. He did not see it on his own search. This pass-along, did however earn me an interview. It was for a morgue transport position.

SAY WHAT?@!

I went with it. This was a gracious offer and opportunity. I thought that this was something with purpose.

Reality Check

The interview was an actual drop off. To see if this was something that I could handle. It. Was. Not. It was something tragic. I got smacked in the face with the reality of death. Of Life. Of purpose. Of dumb things that people get stuck on. Dumb things that won’t matter in 300 years. Maybe I had been desensitized to a degree? Maybe I haven’t experienced it as much as others have? It was a little bit rawer than I had expected. It forced me to have an attitude adjustment. I had to realize all the things that I was grateful for. It forced me to stop feeling sorry for myself, just because everything wasn’t exactly the way that I thought it should be. There are things in my life, good and bad, that I do still have the opportunity to get up and face again. After I had looked into the eyes of the deceased, I cursed and did the moon-walk. They couldn’t get up. I wanted them to. It cut my heart. I pushed the air away from me. I was shaking and felt a little dizzy. I had to apologize to the wonderful man that gave me that opportunity. He assured me that the position wasn’t for everyone.

My fiancé got a kick out of the whole result of my dorky unicorn ad. It was a far cry from: puppy cuddling, hearts, rainbows and ice cream. He also gave me props for jumping in head first.

Sheesh…

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