On Spiritual Abuse

I promise, I will try to stay on topic.

Hot and Bothered

This has bothered me. I haven’t been attending church here. I have been keeping an eye open.  I am also afraid.

Then, I stumbled across this:


It actually made me pretty sad. I saw there were a lot of people out there that felt similar.

I fellowship with other “Christians” that are in my life, just not in a pretty church building. I read my Bible and try to look at different articles, viewpoints and etymology, as not to get stuck on silliness. I pray quite frequently. I even pray for the church and its leaders. I am part of the Church.


In my personal experience, I have had other Christians tell me what I needed to do in my life. I think it was bogus. I also noticed different people held different opinions depending on the situation. It was because they were right and I was wrong. What about what my heart said? Did the Holy Spirit need their help? It was because I wasn’t where they thought I should be, even though if they had known anything about me; I was progressing. I was striving for a better life and was growing.

The Bad

I have seen leaders in the church tell people what political party to vote for. I have seen them pass out offering envelopes to everyone, even though I wasn’t sure at the time how I would pay for my electric bill. I have heard some say not to read certain books (like the book of Enoch or other Gospels). Why couldn’t we form an educated decision on our own? I have heard innumerable times, why I was just second class to others, because of my sex organs. I did hate God at one time for this. I don’t see it like that anymore. Why would any woman trust a God that made her a dumb plaything? He would have to be sick and cruel.

My only purpose was to breed and keep some dude’s skivvies clean? God did play favorites, and I wasn’t it. That God also played favorites about different races, when HE made the beautiful variety in the World. The John 3:16 scripture that says world (meaning humankind), doesn’t include nasty … homosexuals, or people that are different than what some nerd says. Jesus said all. What is the problem? Guess all that blood and morbidity and chunky, fleshy back, didn’t have any power?

I have gone to church and tried to give all that I had, be it a moonstone ring, or volunteer hours just to try to be a student. It all slammed in my face. As you can read from the comments though:


I’m lazy and don’t want to be around others who believe in God. Also, I’d rather pick verses that fit my lifestyle out of the Bible rather than be told what the Bible says.


That was one of the comments. There were only a few smarty pants ones. Adorable. How Cute. Wonder if that one died on the cross?

Be Told

That is my problem.

There are too many different tellings! This is a conflict to my brain and my heart!

How about you live your life, and I live mine! Is your name Holy Spirit?

Let’s make a Deal!

Don’t try to force me to conform to your will, AND I WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!

The word also says:

1 John 2:27

But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don’t need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true–it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.

Sometimes people have told me what I needed to do, and it made me feel sick on the inside. No peace. No witness.


Then you get around people that say all you need is God. You wake up in a place with no family nearby. Church friends may not be friends anymore… Sure! God will pick you up at seven to take you to the movies. Then He will hold your hand and enjoy dinner with you…

If you do this for the least of these…

Oh, and please don’t assume to know what I have or have not done for people in need, or even people discommunicated from the church.


If you question, you are rebellious.

If you think, you are wrong.

If you are not cookie cutter, others will let you know immediately what to change, for THEM.

Yeah, I have a problem with that.

I have made so many attempts and have felt beaten down and ostracized. Even if the leaders of one group were loving, it seemed someone felt it was their moral obligation to walk by and look hard for something faulty to point out… In Love of course. Better yet, in tough love. The kind that calls you names and walks away. Boy that one helped! Dangit! Why didn’t I call them a name too!?>!?! HEY! GET BACK HERE!!

Apparently, I am not the only one that has been hit by FRIENDLY FIRE.

Some have higher expectations on the church for more hellfire. Um, sure. To each his own. Go to hell if you want. I am glad I am forgiven. I do ask when I slip up again too. Yeah, I talk to God like that. STILL NOT PERFECT!!! I pray when I feel stuck.

I have heard it plenty. I am sure that others that stay far away from church walls, are well aware of their sulfur-laden-butt future.

I have seen people that I felt the closest to leave the church, or be told to leave. The others are advised to stay away from them. Why? Kick your brother out and turn your back? Dirty. Didn’t Cain do something similar to that?

So Like, The Marines leave none behind, and this is the best we got?

I thought the Head of the body, the Church, was Christ?

Sometimes I feel like it is this nasty club. I don’t make the cut, I already know that. Not once, Not twice, multiple times. Christ said I do. People say I don’t.

We have our own hearts and conscious.

We can pray direct, we don’t have to sacrifice blood now.

What is the problem?

I don’t fit in:

I don’t have the “right” clothes.

I do try not to go naked…

If I go, I do not stand up and interrupt someone else’s service with an important message …

I usually don’t sit in the good seats.

I usually haven’t had people to sit with due to work or w/e.

I thought the Sheppard’s guided and fed?

Not bossed around.

Not beat up.

Not take?

NOT ALL, this ideology can’t be right.

Not convince people that Jesus MAY have loved them (the World), but truly they are the crap gender, or race, or WHATEVER. Isn’t it kind of sad that so many people are either afraid to go to a church, or know their kind isn’t welcome? They aren’t the good ones, when the greatest is servant of all? Almost made sense for a millisecond. Is Christ that limited and WEAK?!

Why would God so Loved the World?

Why would He say anyone that called on the name of the Lord would be saved?

Why would He say, knock and the door would be opened?

There is neither male nor female, slave nor free?

Then, after all that He did, we say…

Wrong outfit.

Sinful lifestyle (You might rub off on me though, so I have to stay away from you!).

Our Church Rules are the Way, Truth and Life (Ours is the right way!).

Wrong Race.

Wrong Sex.

Wrong Hairstyle.

Wrong Profession.

It doesn’t even feel like we were set free, but like the only two right things to do are: smile big at church, and go home and hide (SALTY!).

I already feel in trouble, so Screw it…

I’m not a preacher or public figure…

Homosexuality, Marriage, and SIN! Oh My!

This is my opinion. I can have one.

Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve!

Oh, Shut it.

What about?

Adam and Eve, not Adam and Eve and Yvette?

I know there are scriptures. Scriptures in the Old Testament. What contemporary church follows every part of the law? The Word says none. I also know there are a couple of verses that mention unnatural desires or the like, In the New Testament. THIS ISN’T MY DEBATE. THIS ISN’T MY POINT. I also see David and his wives. What about Moses? Abraham had slaves. Can someone explain to me, if God was so concerned with this, why He didn’t smite them immediately? Serious. Does He get hung up on some Cultural issues the way we do? This is where we are folks! Dare I go get a stake, rope, kindle, and flame?

I am not a politician. That is not my profession. That is a different story. I don’t have the same job responsibilities, concerns, or stresses that they do.

This is just little old me’s angle. I wonder, if it boils down to a few tax breaks and proper medical care for some HUMAN BEINGS, and possibly even their children, what is the big stinking deal? Even if we considered different people our enemies, JESUS SAID TO LOVE OUR ENEMIES. Not hurt them. I am not saying it is right or wrong. I ain’t going there. I am not their judge. I am still trying to figure some things out. God knows better than I do, on what is going on in their hearts. One sews, one waters, God brings the increase. God did a work in my life, NOT MAN.

I guess this is where we all follow our own hearts.

I just have to wonder to myself, if the people that used those adorable little quips, remembered to mention the part where Jesus died and was THINKING OF THEM WHEN HE PAID THAT PRICE AND HIS LIFE DRIPPED OUT OF HIS BODY? WHEN HIS FLESH WAS IN CHUNKS, AND PIERCED. YOU KNOW THAT WAS REAL PAIN!

I’d have to love someone REALLY hard to endure that. Don’t know if I would to be honest.

I Don’t Go Because …

As a single gay man I find that churches are not very welcoming to me.


Very sad. Jesus said come, and the church said go.

Is God really that weak?

I am more personally convicted, that when God so loved the world, it included them. I am confident that if they call on the name of the Lord, they are saved too. What He deals with in their hearts is their business. Not mine. I can still pray that God does HIS will in their life. Not mine. Not Bob’s.  Just like when I feel convicted about something; I don’t think God wakes up the whole prayer circle to gossip about something I struggle with.  That is between me and God. If someone loves me and has a relationship, then sure they can help with the restore part. Restore in a spirit of meekness brother/sister (Lest you fall into temptation)? Part of my life, right?

At the end of the day, I am still the only person responsible for my actions. I wake up and live with myself! Not my pastor. Not the Clergy. Not my cousin. Not my friend. Jesus is in my heart though, right?

What person should take the 24/7 job of another person’s conscience? Is there an on call number? I’ll stick to my own.

So yeah.

Tired of getting beat down.

Tired of being told that Jesus sacrifice wasn’t enough, because apparently I am that BAD. (What a loser He must be…)

Tired of being told I have the power to supersede God’s grace, in all of my evilness.

Tired of getting told I am a foot, and apparently the body doesn’t need those.

Tired of getting told to give more, when I emptied my pockets.

Tired of getting bossed around by someone else, about what THEIR conscience tells THEM to do.

Tired of being the recipient of the Good Fight.

What the heck?

So yeah, maybe now would be a good time for the church to let Christ be the Head, and the Holy Spirit to lead a person’s heart. Maybe the Church should point in the Christ direction, instead of where the right church building is, what manmade hoops to jump through for righteousness, or the “correct” denomination?  Maybe we should stop pointing at each other. Point to the Good Physician? Point to the Redeemer? Point to God? The One that took the bullet? The One that welcomed all? I am pretty sure He can tell if others are sincere or not. Why sin bark and worry about that? He is the Judge after all. We are the witnesses. It is not by might or by power, but by HIS SPIRIT.

People Telling Me How to Live

Because I can’t abide people telling me I have to live “right” when it has become obvious to me that they are not.



It gets old. I guess I am tired of feeling beat down or burned. I am making progress, just not enough apparently. Enough for Jesus! Not enough for Religion! I don’t feel like that when I pray. Love covers. The accuser still accuses.

I wonder if they meant other church members? I have personally seen that. People that don’t even know my middle name, telling me what changes they feel I need to make, NOW. Sheesh.

Matthew 25:31-46

42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

I got too wordy. People come from different worlds. If we come from one that is different than what church folks are supposed to be; I still haven’t found the magic button we push to have that changed instantaneously. You know, for someone else’s peace of mind? I didn’t put names or pictures here, it is the idea that this is okay, that I have a serious problem with. This idea has hurt me, and a lot of people I have loved. It never fixed our problems. Too big for the church! Jesus stuck around! Apparently there are a lot of others too. Just Saying…

I will also reiterate, that I am not always right. I am not always wrong either.

There are awesome Christians too! There are sincere and beautiful Church leaders. There are good people and bad in every bunch. There are even… people that are different than me! I just don’t think this is what Jesus meant. Yeah, and it truly bothers me. Especially when I try really hard, and someone comes along and kicks. The receiving end stinks. I am talking about one extreme. The mess that has apparently become more of a Lordship than Jesus Christ. You know, to us Jesus folks. I am talking from my experience, and apparently some others too.


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