I grew up in the church. My Dad’s church.
I grew away from the church.
I had an experience with God.
I got hurt in church.
I blamed God. I got offended. I was a young idiot lacking in spiritual and social graces. Friendly fire smarts.
I believe in the church.
God loves the church.
I want to be plugged in with the church with what’s coming.
I do want to grow.
So I am trying to get plugged into this church. It is a wonderful church. The leaders love. They give. They inspire me. I see good in them that I wish I saw in myself. They work their butts off. They truly love people. The people there on the other hand scare the bejezuz out of me sometimes though. I have socially awkward moments like birds sing… and that translates to demon possession to those also wanting to grow but lost in orbit. People that wear the same pull-ups size as me. Ones like, or similar I suppose. Maybe some of them worked their way up to the plastic potty and don’t know why I come along and want to use their pretty plastic.
See in my experience some very spiritual people come along briefly. Some are like flashing stars and poof they are gone. They impart something lovely. Like a beautiful seed falls off and into my life and I never forget it. The moment they were there was beautiful. Others I feel come along and wax all spiritual with their holy wrath and righteous indignation and from this I am terrified. They see me trying to grow, change, eventually help and build. They come along. They open their mouth. They openly rebuke me for an obvious weakness of mine. They walk away. They don’t look back. They did their duty. If I have the misfortune of seeing them again in the same place of worship, I get these cromag brows. A righteous knowing. This is where I think to myself…
WELL THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.
Then they are gone. Gone away. It is okay to judge though. It says if you see a brother/sister in sin yada yada yada…
So, let me recap. I am on my journey. I am trying. I see someone walking towards me. They are likeminded it appears. They walk up and tell me why I do not add up. Negativity is all. They make sure that I understand that I am not as good as them. Poof… gone. Then they keep walking and don’t tell me how to fix the broken wheel. It appears that theirs work fine but that isn’t their problem. The Holy Spirit told them nothing. They had official training in broken wheels. Maybe I should just sit down and stop. Maybe that is what they wanted.
Now, I might have noticed that they had a knot tied wrong and they were choking their donkey. They will find out down the road. They were already on their way and didn’t have to be bothered with someone that couldn’t even master the wheel.
Friendly fire. They come up. They go out. Poof. There is no investment. There is no cost. There is nothing. No exchange. Except for the tidbit that I am not good enough. Exceptional advise, manna from heaven, you are broken I am not. Good day! Yeah that is a little much at times. Especially when I leave that place I get inundated with the same in the dog eat dog place.
They get mad since I wasn’t there since day one. They can get off their righteous indignation and thank their lucky stars they didn’t start on my path, or take a few rabbit trails on the way. We are family though. It’s funny to me that I am an expert on absolutely zero of the metaphors used to describe the church. BUT…
Thank you Jesus for the experts on everything!
I’m labeling though now. I am terrified but I am giving this bull a ride.
Part II of this incoherent madness incoming…