So what if…

We both realized that at one time or another, we have tried to impose our ideas and opinions on others? I don’t mean just being ourselves. I mean pushing someone else past what they were comfortable with? Will we continue on the path that history warns us about, where one group’s of people’s rights are greater at the expense of another group? I have been wrong a lot. If you ever read my stuff, I’m not putting on my Facebook mask here. Naive as that has been. Some say tomato. Some say stupid. I think that is what is happening now based solely on my personal experience. I have cast stones myself and felt them. When do we say let’s try to truly co-exist and we are all allowed to have our own opinions? What if we tried to all start over? Where we don’t automatically throw out another person like yesterday’s trash because we don’t immediately understand them. If we give each other a chance, maybe we can peaceably share our own stories that no one else can tell.

I was angry in my last post. I imagine when I wake up as a robot that will no longer be a problem. In every group all throughout history there have always been people that abuse or push the limits. They can change. They can stop. Sometimes bad people do good things. Sometimes good people do bad things. It is a part of life. I am still trying to make sense of the boundaries of communication etc.

BY THE WAY! In case there is any confusion, I am NOT endorsing harm or abuse or “watch what happens next” … something dangerous. If it isn’t clear, I really don’t like that. Maybe I see things differently as far as words vs actions. If you want to get all technical, yes words can be abusive. I am also saying there is a difference between offense vs reaction. I know as does anyone that has ever met a bully that they pursue and offend and of course rub in your face if you get loud or react. I have reacted to things lately, however there has been a group of people that have done multiple things before it got to that point. I guess it isn’t right. Maybe one day I will be some awesome chill person. Whatever I am starting to ramble. There are things happening over and over and over again and then when I blow it there is a mob there ready to say how hurt they are. So this obviously inspired my juvenile art skills.

I am not saying I am always right. I am not. I had to get over myself today and pray for people that hurt me or even that I perceived had. I try to do that. Even though I am an idiot sometimes. I am. I have to tell myself positive things not to get stuck there.  Sometimes it is a full time proactive job to keep my mind in a positive place. So anyway. I guess sometimes comedy helps. Ha ha ha.

Also, I realized another mistake that I had made. I don’t agree with something that was going to go down and spoke by name about a certain mayor. I guess that is easy for me to do without ever meeting her and then hope people don’t ever do me the same way. It is easy to talk about the one thing that I perceive as wrong and not all the things that she may have done awesome while serving the public. So Anise Parker, if you ever read this; I didn’t agree with that one thing for my own reasons. I cannot see your heart to see who you love or hate, so I am sorry that I said that. It did bother me because if something is imposed on the church, whether I fit in all the time or act exactly like I should, that would ultimately effect me. I guess it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. In the meantime though, I am sorry for how I judged you. I prayed for you and your family too. Sorry I was a butthead.

Now for an obnoxious comic from a wanabONETWOTHREEFOURFIVEFIVE2SIXSEVENEIGHTNINETEN11121315161718192021




To My Followers… Are you ready for this… Dun Dun Dun

I haven’t blogged in a long time. I certainly don’t mean everyone. This is to a very specific group. If you don’t know what I am talking about, then I can almost guarantee that I am not talking about or to you.

I am going to share a story, and then continue with a message specifically for you. You know who you are. I am not going to stop. I am going to continue to get louder. You don’t get to control me. If you want to stop me; try a cocktail harder than the morphine, hydrocodone, toradol and melatonin (along with the mystery drip from the unassigned nurse) next time you find me in the hospital after saving a neglected puppy covered in ticks and so anemic that her tongue was practically white and I refused to name her because I thought she wouldn’t make the night.

There is something frightening that happens currently in America, if you find yourself on a blog like myself; and either share your opinion on abuse of power such as displayed by mayor Anise Parker when she wanted to take the sermons from people that she hated and tell them what they could preach from a Bible that she didn’t believe in or even bother to study, in a land where it’s founders came for the whole separation of church and state because of too much control on the church by the state in England. God forbid anyone have opposing opinions right? Land of the free and home of the brave? Especially don’t call out the IRS when they give you no notice at all, and they snatch your entire tax refund at a time that they know and can verify you are a temp and there is no income at that time at all. None. I still didn’t get evicted did I?

This is what you guys wanted next, isn’t it? You wanted me to doxx myself or my family so you could shine through and do more harm, after ignoring us in the years that we did need your help? Now it matters right?

Well now is for a real interesting story. A story about the abuse of power. A story about a naive person like myself, that wants to do better and experience life just like everyone else. A person that has problems that I try to work out. A person that has weaknesses and makes mistakes. A person with opinions and beliefs.  If you have, and we both know that you do, reading comprehension skills, then you haven’t forgotten where I had shared about my weaknesses pretty intricately. Huzaa on you oh Champion of might for exploiting weaknesses that are shared by the person with courage while you hide behind your mask. Must make Mommy proud. Yeah I went there. Text Jesus…


While the wife strangler may have had nothing to do with it, even with his tie to L3; he was on the same page of belief that I did not get the same rights as everyone else. Unfortunately that isn’t true. I have to say something. When I spoke about love, surely you jest if you think that means that I cannot: say no, stick up for myself, utilize the same DNA within my system that God made that tells me to SURVIVE, or stand up to an abuser. I do have the right of privacy in my own home without thugs leaving razor or saw blades in there. I do have the right to 24 hour notice entry. I do have the right of peaceful enjoyment whether he likes my face or not. Defamation and half truths are easy. Lying on legal documents are too when you have a big organization backing you. I guess that is easy to put wrong dates and manipulate evidence. Since you are on such the up and up you don’t have to sell or change names, and why not just take me to court then?


You really crossed the line though, when you used my grandmother with dementia as a Segway to get information. I don’t care how much you lie, or convince people that they don’t have to like me. It is not normal for a nurse to violate HIPAA and send friends to visit patients when the volunteers aren’t needed. It is not normal for a nurse to show up on days that they are not scheduled, without signing in, to only check the narcotics cabinet and yet not check the patients blood pressure. It is not normal for a special snowflake volunteer to ask the mentally incapacitated patient and younger family members the names of cousins and aunts and nieces and nephews (minor), their home addresses, previous addresses, their facebook addresses or online accounts, their email accounts, their dates of birth, maiden names, divorce status and death information. It isn’t very kind of a volunteer that doesn’t have a badge to insist on being around people like say; myself, when I am spending time with a family member and they aren’t needed. It really isn’t normal why when you ask a nurse why they cannot follow basic protocol, that you don’t even need a doctorate to understand; they call a family member hysterical and crying and then make false accusations. You have shown your true colors. Regardless of what anyone said or how much you continue to lie, I was there. People are getting way too offended for the wrong reasons, and then when they commit actual crimes spout off some nonsense like forgiveness, even in the case it is multiple offenses. For the daft: that is abuse. Since you have been reading long and have those sharp comprehension skills; I still do not believe you tolerate abuse. No I don’t have to take you or anyone else’s abuse. Keep lying. Keep sharing half truths. Keep stalking me like the creeps that you are in order to manufacture new truths. The truth is, you are intimidated by me. I will continue to grow and this is a fear I am getting over now.


You then convince my mother that she is in denial and needs to be on the ready for you to move my grandmother to a facility so that she doesn’t pass away in the house. You do so on Christmas eve because, again; you are disrespectful and an abuser. Talk about Jesus’ love all day everyday. I will too. I depend on it. I won’t do these horrible things to you or your family, I won’t take it from you either.


Then when my grandmother wasn’t even in your facility for a whole 24 hours, we come to visit her on Christmas. Just minutes after my mother and sister had left without issue. Your volunteer stops us at the door for no apparent reason and adamantly denies that my grandmother is even there. She tells me that I am confused. She tells me that I am thinking about another facility. If you want to keep crying about tone of voice, hers was pretty bad then; since you know you don’t like my tone when I stand up for my rights after multiple unprovoked offenses. When one other woman with compassion lets us in, she is so heavily sedated that she cannot talk or move. Just labored breathing.


I send the infamous email to your director of families. You guys must really have a gold nugget don’t you? I claim my own farts. Do you?  I use the word cow and douchebag. Yes, at that time I truly did believe that your staff had completely unprovoked treated us like douchebags, and compared to all of the other hospice workers I had worked with didn’t have a lick of experience, or professionalism. I still think it is suspicious. It is a red flag when supposed professionals behave like that. I even apologized. I bet you guys forgot to pass that around.


Then your little resident pedobear wanted to email me and shame me about the golden rule while it was two weeks out and all I had gotten from these nurses was maltreatment from these oh so special snowflakes. Laugh. Keep laughing. It must be great to be king.


Then unfortunately for me, we circle back to where we find a puppy in this cruel world that no one else wants to help, and I take on the task that takes more than just that entire night. My head swells up so now you can dose me with whatever you want, and keep lying. It suits you. I’m sure there is a reason all of the nurses notes that I have say that I was compliant and friendly before you changed them and the story.


Since my email has gotten hacked. Contacts that weren’t in there showed up. Outside ip addresses had accessed it. Attorney’s won’t help. Our ISP won’t answer me about any breaches to our network. The police cannot do much. The IRS, Dept of Edu, Dept of Health, USPS, and USPTO all either give us problems or absolutely refuse to follow both federal or state laws. Why you might ask? Well they will tell you something weak like my tone of voice was a thor’s hammer thunderclap that broke the hearts of all the special snowflakes out yonder, after they had flexed their abusive muscles to begin with 12 times, so now they got to learn me a lesson. I imagine with creativity like the lot of you it came from a book by Saul Alinsky about dividing and destroying people’s lives. Wow that is amazing and tolerant. Such kind heartedness. I have learned an awful lot in the last year. NYUK NYUK. Shame me again if it will bring your life purpose because I believe in Jesus, I have overcome addiction, I have gotten out of abuse (things that I was not created for), I still and will continue to make mistakes on this life’s journey AND my poop still smells like, well, poop. I don’t care anymore. While you are being a useful idiot for something so much more devious ( I just learned that one too!~!) by not throw me some of those big syllable words you got up your sleeve; like science or snopes. Ohhhhh! That explains everything.


You add several diagnosis to my record without telling us. I get an email referral to a doctor that cares for Lyme disease risk and prevention after the exposure and come to find out he won’t even be there, the hospital that gave me this brilliant cocktail had just bought him out. Multiple facilities refuse to obey both state and federal HIPAA laws and give me my lab results when the discharging hospitalist told me that I was free to go without paperwork and we had to demand it. Lucky for what little experience I had being just a pleb and all I knew that I should get discharge papers.


Bottom line is: I still do not believe that women’s rights should always be swept under the carpet by every flavor of xy even if they hacked off their winkies just to wear a dress. I say to each their own. You want to cut off your wiener, more power to you. My brain starts to hurt though with the whole love yourself and respect yourself and the need self mutilate, just to wear a dress and makeup which is totally a social construct. You read my writings right? Wanna wear a dress, wear a dress. It’s no skin off of my nose. I’m pretty sure Jesus did. You know the redheaded one. Whatevz. You don’t, don’t. Do what you want. I know there are anomalies. I am not saying people have any less value after different actions. Calm your butt. Oh the problems over here in the States atm. Wow.


If you want to know my story I will share it. I don’t care how hard you try to paint this, I am not WB. Nice try though. //applause. //crickets.


Bottom line is: I still believe in Jesus. I still believe in miracles. If I mess up I get up and try again. I can do that or I can quit. I believe that people should have different opinions and still have rights. I have already said that. You can and will continue to put in my mouth whatever you want for your agenda or how you are trained.

I still believe that I am a human and have the right, same as everyone else to get back up and try again. Even if I make really stupid mistakes, or even the dreaded, oh HELLZ BELLS AND THOR’S THUNDERCLAP use a less than desirable tone from people that need an excuse desperately for all the crimes that they have committed.

If you follow me, manipulate my life, try to rewrite the truth, mess with my family, carry on with the abuse; I will stand up to you. I will even venture to say that I will win. I’m going to stand on that for faith. It is something us Christians believe in. Even though I still have to battle with trust issues at times or whatever else is happening. How many times do I have to say I struggled with doubt. Why is that a shock to anyone that has ever been born a human? I have also learned while some have manipulated the story of love, that it tips the scale all the way on the other side, that my God is also a God of justice. It aint happening at my expense. It ain’t happening if you try it again to a bunch of pastor’s that have the same freedom of speech and right to will and learn and be human, even if I don’t agree with them all the way. I will continue to learn. That is my passion and my right. Just like these halfwits that administered so much medicine to me and altered my records because they are Ders.


What about love? What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. No really. I’ll be there in court. Come with your weak manipulations and excuses. Better violate my rights again in my home if you want all the proof that I have on you.

I will love you. The love of God is shed abroad in my heart. Just like with an abusing husband though, you have crossed the line. I believe in leaving and praying. Or saying no. You must have missed that memo. Love is not submission to the point of lack of control or even existence. You can tell me all that you want to turn the other cheek, but quite frankly some true leaders; like Martin Luther King Jr. for instance, believed that when you turned the right cheek, at the time that was a custom to show the abuser that you were not under them. You were their equal even if they were nasty. They didn’t get to hit you with their poo hand, they had to hit you with the hand that they used to greet other dignitaries. Whatever your translation, Frankly my dear I do not care. I don’t care as long as it remains not a valid conversation between adults, but a creeping in the shadows in order to laugh and harass like you have actually done something noteworthy. I study. It is my faith. Again I don’t have all the answers. I’m not getting schooled in something from you anymore than I am going to ask you how to perform surgery when you have never had training or done it yourself.

Next line I know you are going to throw in my face as an abuser: Forgiveness. That is between God and I sunshine. No I won’t let your nastiness taint my future. I won’t tolerate it either. Really you need to stop. What is that saying about small minds discuss people?

Judging: blah blah blah. Right. I am using my head. I am looking at facts. I am over the game. Thanks for playing though. Go find someone else to stalk. Or bring you’re a-game in court since it is so easy to convince followers to be nasty to complete strangers based on partial truths. Do your worst. We live once and I am over it. I am quite disappointed with the lack of creativity.  You just keep on though following me. I’ll be a leader. It is what you and the other people that have followed are apparently so good at.


I am not giving but a rough draft of this for you.

Oh and you want to know a fun tidbit I have learned in my hiatus of cool me tell the world everything online?

There are benefits of being a child of God.

Well that is mean.

No, it isn’t.

Letting a strong man break into your house and not do anything is dumb as the master said some parable about.

If you chose not to decide you still have made a choice.

Want me to get weird on you?

Repent. No really he forgives almost instantly and even if you face consequences will work with you to get you back on track. The mess you left though, you can bet is going to be cleaned up. It will not leave my life in shambles. Jesus Christ that is. See that usually isn’t my cup of tea, I’d much rather get to know someone first before sharing my faith or opinions since there are people out there on both sides that have such an entitlement to try to change and control others. That works as well on a free will as it does when you reprimand a child and make them sit, but they remain standing on the inside.


Bad bad bad leadership here. That is my opinion. I get those. I see a lot differently now by the way these things are run. You don’t blame the new guy, you blame the manager. It might have even changed a little. I reserve the right to do that on my human journey. I will allow for it even if you try not to. This isn’t a red country yet.

But yeah, like I said, keep following. Oh and I will try to be like Jesus because I know he saw good in you when he died for you and say I love you. He died for me too and I used to be addicted to meth. Even worse I am a loud woman. Oh my goodness. The nerve. He gave me the plumbing. This abuse is stopping though. K thanks, bye. Be careful though. He has gotten me out of an awful lot of garbage for you to come along and violate His will, in order to enforce your own selfish will on my livelihood and my future.

One thing that I have learned is you don’t go against his will. Even with grace, eventually He will stop you. Now don’t get all ridiculous on me, did you think you could just walk in someone else’s house and tell them what they will do and that they have no rights or their property is no longer their own. Most ridiculous expectations to hold on the Maker and Giver of his breath of life and His universe or Children. Even the hot mess that we made be.
1: Touch not my anointed.

2.Acts 5:38-39 be careful who you fight.

  1. Psalms 64 especially the 7 part

Of the mouth of two or more witnesses. If you are a Christian and got in this be careful not to treat your brother or sister like Cain did.

And lastly: your expectations on me are ridiculous. I have no Harvard education and you beat me because I do not speak as eloquently. I did not journey down your road and you expect the same social niceties and dumb pinky in the air and your ridiculous brunch. I understand how to read and you act like I need a doctorate to understand when there are 6 blood tests checked off on a form and then you go to lie about it. Surely you jest. Have fun with this, I know you will. Just like all the other garbage I have gotten out of, I trust that my heavenly Father will continue to show me his goodness despite my failings or insecurity. You aught to join the family. The benefits are great. Peace! If not whatever. Do what you want. Be it far from me to track you down and try to control your life oh tolerant one.


P.S. Another thing you can do is write me off as crazy. Fine whatever. Cray. While you are so tolerant and awesome and transcendent and wise I know you wouldn’t dare fall into the stigma to make mere game out of a sick person’s life. You are just too awesome and tolerant and transparent for that sort of thing. NARF!!

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Isn’t it Exhausting?

So we are all guilty of it, but isn’t it just tiresome?

Maybe it is just some unrealistic utopian dream.

We all compartmentalize to a degree.

Anyone at all tired of being completely defined by just a few words? facts? features? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Maybe it is just how we function best.

It is like there are only two sides of a line and we all have to pick a side. Everybody get in line. No room for creative thought or compromise. One line on the beach. A whole entire endless sand beach.

Red or Blue? Male or Female? Black or White? Pro or Con? Atheist or Christian? I’m cannot fit all of the labels or terms…

Sure some things are factual and define us. How has it gotten so concrete though? So many are cultural constructs and expectations on our own personal experience.

I’m tired of getting into the box. I want to try to not to keep putting you in one either. There is more to all of us I hope. Cannot articulate effectively…



I’m friggin hilarious.

If you can’t ask serious questions in the church, than where?

And! And… And? And, why does the “divisive questions” card keep getting played, when the matter addressed is important enough to effect every element of a person’s life? Sounds kind of important to me. Can’t we have conversations where everyone doesn’t fall to pieces? I will try harder if you will. Please?

Seek understanding? I would like to trust you for some. Please help me? I’m still not perfect and don’t have all the answers. I know other people have wisdom that I do not yet. I know other people don’t have all the answers either. Can’t we pull on each other’s strengths? Why can’t we be friends? Family of the Kingdom of Light?

Don’t write me off as a contentious woman. I mean, it may have had some truth to it maybe last Tuesday…




When one gets too confident about other’s stupid heads; big hairy feet with heavy boots lay in wait on the path of life to swiftly lay waste to puffy rears. They hastily put into remembrance the recipients own stupid head. 

Take it or Leave it

free advice from someone that needs adviced…

Sometimes you have to do things, even when everyone around you acts like it is wrong. You have to follow your heart. Sometimes it all makes sense later, even if you had to stand alone. Sometimes you find out you were wrong.

It happens.

I say if you can muster the strength from within get up and try again. Keep going. Especially if others get in your face when you fall and try to shame you or kick you back down. IMO they are idiots. God bless their precious hearts and stupid heads. They ain’t fulling nobody but themselves if they try to act like they have never fallen. IE Nobody is perfect. Maybe they never had the courage to stand alone to begin with. 

Would this be applied here?

**Cliche Alert**

Get Right or Get Left!

oh yeah!

hardy har her snort and a snickety cause it sounds nice.

Acts 2:17

In the last days I will pour out my spirit on all people. Your sons and your daughters….